It’s the little things.
We all can think of a grand romantic gesture from a movie that makes our heart flutter, and maybe makes us a little jealous. There’s holding a boombox overhead outside a window, writing a love letter every day for a year, 1,000 yellow daisies, a variety of other rom-com inspired advances. In all my years of reading and watching these admirably written love stories, I’ve noticed is it mostly has to do with navigating the dating territory rather than the area of marriage.
I think we all have come to the reality that dating isn’t this perfect excursion because people have flaws and can become comfortable in their routines. This transfers into marriage very easily and the “honeymoon” starry-eyed phase eventually ends. No matter how strong the romantic chase was while dating, if will predictably fizzle.
If this is your current truth, you’re certainly not alone. Many people get too relaxed in life, whether it be their job, a sport, and through many different relationships. The plan then is to go back to the basics. When playing a sport, you can’t work on the fanciest of plays without knowing the very basics of the game. In other words, you can’t score if you can’t catch the ball. You practice and focus on the little things. This helps you get out of your funk and your bad habits that you fell into. The little things in a sport may be practicing catching the ball, throwing, playing defense, running, communicating with your teammates, etc.
What would going back to basics look like in your marriage?
- Saying “I love you” frequently
- Have inside jokes
- Sing songs together
- Tell them thank you
- Play games with each other
- Say you’re sorry when you need to
- Spend 1-minute kissing (yes, time it, and go for it)
- Hold hands
- Flirt with them
- Get them their favorite treat at the store
- Go on dates (even if it’s just playing cards after the kids go to bed)
- Write them a sweet note
- Smile at them
- Dance together
- Ask them what you can do to help them
- Say “good morning” and “good night”
- Go on a drive
What made you fall in love with your spouse? What made you blush or smile? Those are the tools that made our toolkit and we can use those tools when we feel we are glued to a routine. They don’t have to be over complicated or elaborate like others suggest. Our relationship foundations are built on the small moments and will continue to grow through the little gestures of love.