The Invisible Couple

carlston026

Sometimes I feel invisible. 

I clean the things 

I play the games 

I fix the ouchies 

I stock the fridge 

I clean some more

I make the meals 

I read the books 

I love on the children 

I worry over the finances

 

Then he comes home from work.

The children scream with delight that daddy’s home.

He comes home and I continue to do all the things.

I make the dinners

I do the dishes 

I wipe the counters 

I sweep the floors 

I start the laundry

I forget about the laundry 

I wipe the faces 

I start the dishes 

And he eats the dinner

He dirties the dishes

He leaves things on the clean counters 

He grumbles about his day 

He plays with the children 

He reads the bills 

He scrolls on his phone

He helps with baths

He watches the tv

We go to bed. 

And sometimes I wonder does he still see me, the girl he was head over heels in love with? Am I still that girl amidst the messy buns, sweats, and piles of laundry? I know she’s in there, she’s just different. Does he still want different?

carlston071

But then I can’t help but wonder, if I feel invisible, maybe he does too. 

Because on the flip side:

He wakes up early 

He fits in a workout 

He goes to a job he doesn’t love 

He works hard all day

He drives home in traffic 

He walks into a sometimes messy home 

He sees the children craving attention 

He sees another thing that needs fixing 

He reads the bills and groans 

He thinks about how to stretch finances

He sees my latest unnecessary Target run 

He sees a wife looking unhappy and worn out

He feels the pressure of his role as provider

He tries to make the best of it

 

And worst of all he sees a wife who is too busy cleaning and feeling sorry for herself that she misses the fact that he needs her company, maybe even longs for it all day. And she completely misses the fact that she longs for it too. She misses the fact that she doesn’t need to feel invisible because her best friend is right there waiting to be seen himself.

She misses the fact that maybe he wants the children in bed early because he just wants to sit on the couch and relax with her, the one he chose to love forever. 

carlston261

Note from the author:

I wrote this one day when I was feeling sorry for myself. When I felt like everything I did in a day was to benefit other people and that I was losing myself in my role as wife and mother. 

And while those feelings are valid, I had this epiphany: I chose to be married to have someone to love.

I wanted to be married so I could shower my spouse with the love I felt so deeply for him. I wanted to be married to have a companion to spend forever with, even if that meant getting lost doing the mundane things of life sometimes.

It’s easy for both individuals to get so caught up in the worries and responsibilities of life. So much so that you forget to really see each other, and end up stewing and feeling invisible to one another. 

So my challenge as we start this month of “love” is to focus on loving your significant other. Love them for their strengths and their weaknesses, and notice how hard they are trying to give you love each day. 

Husbands: Notice how hard your wife works to keep house, to hold a job if she has one, and to care for your children. She is trying her hardest and keep in mind she thinks about you when she does the things she does in hopes that it may ease your burdens and that you may feel of her love for you.

And step up and help her! She knows you’re tired, but you’d be surprised how her feet ache after being on them all day chasing the children, working, and endlessly cleaning. And for goodness sake make sure she has time in the day, even just 20 mins to do something for herself. 

Wives: Turn off your negative talk about your spouse in your head. Replace it with compliments of things he does well. Then verbally thank him for all of his hard work, and give him a little slack when he just needs to watch some TV for a bit, he has long days too. 

Couples: And take time to be together as a couple WITHOUT electronics blurring your vision of each other. Take time to snuggle, put your arms around each other, lay down together and watch a show for goodness sake while cuddling, instead of sitting on opposite sides of the couch. Give each other at least 30 minutes of touch or communication each day. 

What are ways that you and your significant other stay connected and keep your love for each other alive?

carlston299

6 thoughts on “The Invisible Couple”

  1. I loved this. It articulates all the things I’ve felt and never quite put into words. It is so difficult sometimes, not to feel like you never have time for yourself…yet, when I was single, how much of my time alone was spent wishing I had someone to love? I’ve come to realize that on days when I feel “invisible” it helps to stop for a moment and be grateful that I have a house to clean, food to cook, children to love, and especially a husband who works.

    Like

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