Sometimes I feel invisible.
I clean the things
I play the games
I fix the ouchies
I stock the fridge
I clean some more
I make the meals
I read the books
I love on the children
I worry over the finances
Then he comes home from work.
The children scream with delight that daddy’s home.
He comes home and I continue to do all the things.
I make the dinners
I do the dishes
I wipe the counters
I sweep the floors
I start the laundry
I forget about the laundry
I wipe the faces
I start the dishes
And he eats the dinner
He dirties the dishes
He leaves things on the clean counters
He grumbles about his day
He plays with the children
He reads the bills
He scrolls on his phone
He helps with baths
He watches the tv
We go to bed.
And sometimes I wonder does he still see me, the girl he was head over heels in love with? Am I still that girl amidst the messy buns, sweats, and piles of laundry? I know she’s in there, she’s just different. Does he still want different?
But then I can’t help but wonder, if I feel invisible, maybe he does too.
Because on the flip side:
He wakes up early
He fits in a workout
He goes to a job he doesn’t love
He works hard all day
He drives home in traffic
He walks into a sometimes messy home
He sees the children craving attention
He sees another thing that needs fixing
He reads the bills and groans
He thinks about how to stretch finances
He sees my latest unnecessary Target run
He sees a wife looking unhappy and worn out
He feels the pressure of his role as provider
He tries to make the best of it
And worst of all he sees a wife who is too busy cleaning and feeling sorry for herself that she misses the fact that he needs her company, maybe even longs for it all day. And she completely misses the fact that she longs for it too. She misses the fact that she doesn’t need to feel invisible because her best friend is right there waiting to be seen himself.
She misses the fact that maybe he wants the children in bed early because he just wants to sit on the couch and relax with her, the one he chose to love forever.
Note from the author:
I wrote this one day when I was feeling sorry for myself. When I felt like everything I did in a day was to benefit other people and that I was losing myself in my role as wife and mother.
And while those feelings are valid, I had this epiphany: I chose to be married to have someone to love.
I wanted to be married so I could shower my spouse with the love I felt so deeply for him. I wanted to be married to have a companion to spend forever with, even if that meant getting lost doing the mundane things of life sometimes.
It’s easy for both individuals to get so caught up in the worries and responsibilities of life. So much so that you forget to really see each other, and end up stewing and feeling invisible to one another.
So my challenge as we start this month of “love” is to focus on loving your significant other. Love them for their strengths and their weaknesses, and notice how hard they are trying to give you love each day.
Husbands: Notice how hard your wife works to keep house, to hold a job if she has one, and to care for your children. She is trying her hardest and keep in mind she thinks about you when she does the things she does in hopes that it may ease your burdens and that you may feel of her love for you.
And step up and help her! She knows you’re tired, but you’d be surprised how her feet ache after being on them all day chasing the children, working, and endlessly cleaning. And for goodness sake make sure she has time in the day, even just 20 mins to do something for herself.
Wives: Turn off your negative talk about your spouse in your head. Replace it with compliments of things he does well. Then verbally thank him for all of his hard work, and give him a little slack when he just needs to watch some TV for a bit, he has long days too.
Couples: And take time to be together as a couple WITHOUT electronics blurring your vision of each other. Take time to snuggle, put your arms around each other, lay down together and watch a show for goodness sake while cuddling, instead of sitting on opposite sides of the couch. Give each other at least 30 minutes of touch or communication each day.
What are ways that you and your significant other stay connected and keep your love for each other alive?